Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
