discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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