Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize