you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
