Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
