sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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