I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
