I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
