Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
