I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
