its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize