I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
