did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
