I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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