he wants to bone in the snuggie
we're chasing vodka with high fives
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
