I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize