so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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