I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize