I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I lost the right to judge tonight
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
