At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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