he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So much rum. So many feels.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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