My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
