Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
