The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Shame - the story of my life.
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