I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
