i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
