I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize