I accidentally had phone sex last night
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize