I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
