Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
