i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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