So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
