I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize