he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
