Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
