I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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