last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
