i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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