So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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