there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
