my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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