'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
