how hairy? two words: wookie tits
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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