K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize