i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
