she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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