she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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