I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize