I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
