you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
