He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And then my night got REAL pukey
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