I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize