I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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