she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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