i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
