my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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