I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
