There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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