You're my little dorito
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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