forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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