yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
