Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize