Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
