Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
